If there’s one thing guaranteed to raise my blood pressure, it’s having to listen to strangers’ cell phone monologues. I’ve wasted a lot of energy raging against people in restaurants, on buses, wherever, who insist on talking into their phones at top volume. It’s even weirder when you see people who seem to be talking to themselves, but actually have invisible phones.

After several years of futile fury I’ve discovered that the situation doesn’t have to be a total loss. In fact, for writers those conversations can sometimes be audible treasures. For when I tune in instead of out, I overhear phrases or even whole sentences worth using in a story.

The latest example came about when I was waiting outside a library for the doors to open. My poetry writing group was going to be meeting inside, so I tried to use the waiting time to read over the poems I was bringing that day. Unfortunately, reading requires something called Concentration. That became impossible when the woman beside me yanked out her phone and began to tell someone on the other end about the current newspaper story account of a woman diagnosed as “brain dead.” She went on — and on! – about the family being divided over having that infamous “plug” pulled. I fumed about being trapped into listening until she uttered one sentence: ”There are lots of brain dead people walking around!”

The writer in me pounced on that sentence. How could I not scribble it down for use in some piece of fiction she’ll never know about? I now have a growing collection of overheard phrases – and bizarre scenes.

Like the evening in a restaurant where my partner and I hoped to dine peacefully. The couple at the next table was mercifully quiet as they gazed into each other’s eyes. Suddenly, that familiar ringing. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, the man listened to whomever it was for a minute, then said – loudly enough for the next ten tables to overhear- ”Of course I miss you darling, I’m so lonely.” I thought his companion would throw him a meaningful look, but she was too busy dialing her own phone.  I savor this scene for when I attempt to write a Noel Coward style script.

You can gather material anywhere, even in the most surprising places. For instance, last summer I was strolling along Fire Island when I found myself on the nude beach. A man walked past me clad in nothing. No, not nothing, he was wearing a cell phone, and shouting at it: “I can’t hear you, the waves are making too much noise!”

So I’m now a walking tape recorder. And I suggest that writing courses include a class in the art of eavesdropping. (Is there a libel law for stealing someone’s words?)

Recently The New York Times published an op ed piece by Ken Budd titled “When Writers Expose the Dead.” The topic hit a painful nerve in me, for my memoir ”Widow’s Walk” describes the struggle my husband and I shared during his fatal illness. Was I wrong to “use” him that way?

This is a personal decision for each of us, of course. Here are are my feelings — as written in my Letter To The Editor which The Times printed. I post it here for any of you who may be struggling with the same “expose” issue.

CANDOR ABOUT THE DEAD

Four months after my husband died I began writing a memoir about his illness, death and – although I didn’t realize yet — the new life as a single woman that I was ultimately able to create.

I wrote the memoir with as much honesty as I could bear to set down. Although my husband, Mel, was a wonderful person he had weaknesses, as we all do. To ignore these would have been to paint a picture of a saint. He would never have wanted that.

Ironically, I ended up being harder on myself, revealing my fear and anger about the fact that I was losing him, which led to my saying things I would give anything to be able to erase. To my surprise, I found that was what readers responded to the most, for in countless letters they told me they felt validated by learning that their “shameful ”behavior was shared.

What needs to be saved for a later memoir is the guilt that can pervade you when you’ve had a success built on the death of someone you loved. The only comfort is my belief that the memoir has given him — and our love– longer life.

COMMENTS WELCOME

WEBSITE: www.annehosansky.com
BOOKS: “Widow’s Walk”-available through iUniverse.com; “Turning Toward Tomorrow” –xLibris.com; “Ten Women of Valor” – CreateSpace.com and Amazon.com. Also Amazon Kindle

AS AN AUTHOR REPRESENTED IN THE INTERNATIONAL ANTHOLOGY “A CERTAIN KIND OF FREEDOM,” I WAS ASKED TO WRITE ABOUT HOW I BECAME A WRITER. HERE’S AN EXCERPT, WITH HOPE IT WILL INSPIRE OTHER WRITERS.

“How did you become a writer?” That’s the Number One question I’m asked whenever I give a reading. I wish I could say it’s been a straight route, but actually it’s been circular with many detours along the way. It began with poems and a family newspaper I created when I was about ten. There’s a starring figure in that past: my grandfather. He had been a sportswriter for The London Times. Among his journalistic words of wisdom was the warning that whenever I write a phrase I think is “beautiful,” it should probably be deleted. That’s still one of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever been given.

He’s framed in gold in my memory because he was the first — and for a long time only — person to believe I had writing talent. In my adolescent rebellion I told him I no longer wanted to be a writer, but an actress.’ ”You’ll outgrow it,” he said. It was many years before I did, for I took a long detour into theatre.

I also detoured into marriage and motherhood. What brought me back to writing was the weight I gained when I was home with two young children!  I’d taken a sabbatical from theatre but found being a homemaker boring , so I comforted myself with food. When my younger child was five years old, I intended to go back to acting, so joined a Weight Watchers class to lose those pounds. While there I learned that the company was looking for an editor. The dormant writer in me perked up, applied, and got the job. My husband urged me to go back to acting, but I had made a startling discovery: I wanted my first love — writing.

Then came 14 years of writing fat/thin/ articles. But something within craved a more creative “diet.” I quit my job and began to freelance. I also wrote my first short story but didn’t know what to do with it until I got an unexpected phone call from a woman I I’d interviewed. She said that a friend of hers had a writers’ group, was I interested? Although terrified of the exposure, I forced myself to “try it out.” I’m still in that group some 27 years later! The members not only gave me insights into what my story needed, but guided me through a memoir about my husband’s death and my subsequent attempt to create a new life. ”Widow’s Walk” found a publisher, but I doubt it would have if it weren’t for the group’s perceptive comments and patience with my endless rewrites.

That very first story? It was rejected by 26 magazines. I’d given up until a new member of the group, said 26 was “nothing,” he’d had over 40 rejects per story. I sent mine out again and it was accepted.

I’ve gone on to write dozens of stories, as well as two other books.  This has resulted in numerous requests to give readings. My  success with those readings is why I think my career’s been a circle. I thought I’d wasted all those years by being an actress. But being at ease with audiences stems, I believe, from my years on stage. So life writes its own scripts.

I’m gratified that my story “The Maroon Sweater” is in  “A Cerrtain Kind of Freedom,” as one of the half dozen representing the U.S. But the pleasure is diluted, for the story portrays a too-prevalent scene in my country: a school massacre.

Yet we have to accept the vulture in ourselves who pounces on tragedies. As writers we have the gift of being able to transform them into words that may illuminate other lives.

WEBSITE: http://www.annehosansky.com
BOOKS: “Widow’s Walk,” available through iUniverse.com; “Turning Toward Tomorrow” – xLibris.com; “Ten Women of Valor” – CreateSpace.com and Amazon.com. Also Amazon Kindle.

 I had a sobering experience this New Year’s. By “sobering,” I don’t mean a hangover. My experience consisted of meeting my 12-year-old self. Via a diary, that is. I came across it and discovered that the young girl I used to be decades ago had written her first list of New Year Resolutions. They consisted of such vital vows as to lose weight, stop biting her nails, clean up her messy room, and so on. What’s sobering is the realization that I’ve  been basically making the same resolutions for decades since. I also discovered several diary pages later that those pre-adolescent promises were already D.O.A. My subsequent vows have lasted an average of two weeks.

I’m hardly unique since the majority of people are the same fallible vowers. So why do we bother to make resolutions again and again? Maybe it’s because we can’t resist the illusion that in a new year we’ll be thinner, more organized, better disciplined, what not. I even invest in a new address book each year, in the futile hope that this time no names will have to be deleted.

I’ve  had a lifelong fantasy that when I wake up each January 1^st the world and I will seem different. I’ll actually stay on my diet, make overdue phone calls, be cheerful instead  of grouchy in the A.M., not lose my temper (it’s on permanent Lost and Found) .

I’m looking for a miracle marker for transformation. But the undeniable truth is that January 1^st isn’t a year later, but just a day later than – in this case – 2013. (I write those numerals as if saying goodbye to them.) Those of us who also have a New Year on the religious calendar have a second shot at this. I even feel my birthday  is a kind of starting line.

Yet, unlike fiction, our lives don’t divide into neat chapters. In my books I’ve  always started each chapter on a fresh page. But I  find myself doing something different with the novel I’m now working on.  Instead of a new page for each chapter, I’m continuing my heroine’s story, divided only by triple spacing and asterisks.  This may indicate  a subterranean shift within myself,  an acknowledgment that this year still in its infancy is really just a continuation of the old.

This doesn’t  mean we can’t rewrite it, day by day.  But for the first time  I did not make resolutions to do this. Oddly, I feel handicapped without them,  so I’m making a few belated ones that are very different from the ones I made in the past. For a small example, I am not promising to stay 100% on my diet. I do promise that when I indulge I’ll  allow myself to enjoy it, not wallow in guilt.

On a larger note, I vow to honor whatever talent I’ve been blessed with. Not squander  it in time-killing activities or energy-wasting emotions like anger and hate and fear, all those gremlins that take up space in my head — rent free! I do believe that each of us has a talent of one kind or another, and that it’s a sin to waste it. (I hope next January I won’t be writing a blog about how I forgot this!)

May we each make whatever changes are possible – and forgive ourselves  if we don’t.

WEBSITE :www.annehosansky.com

BOOKS: “WIDOW’S WALK,” available through iUniverse.com; “TURNING TOWARD TOMORROW” -xLibnris.com;  “TEN WOMEN OF VALOR ” – CreateSpace.com and Amazon.com. Also Amazon Kindle.

Recently I introduced readers to Beryl Belsky, a writer and editor who for the past two years has generously used her website to publish the works of unknown writers around the world. The multicultural website is titled, “The Writer’s Drawer,” because it elicits stories and poems that many writers hide in a desk drawer, either out of shyness or discouragement .

Belsky , who lives near Tel Aviv, has now taken her website a global step forward. She painstakingly compiled countless submissions and chose the best to publish in an anthology : “A Certain Kind of Freedom Stories and Poems From the Writer’s Drawer.” Contributors hail from varied parts of the planet – Australia, Asia, the Middle East, Africa, Europe and North America. Contributors range in age from their eighties down to a 10-year-old American girl, Paige Lederman, who wrote a poem about experiencing Hurricane Sandy.

As is true in many collections, the short stories, personal essays and poems (the three sections of the book) vary in quality. Among the more successful is South African writer Leandre Grobler’s tragic story about an elderly Aboriginal couple. In the essay section, I applaud the true story of a woman trying to get on a boat heading to Canada, to join her husband. Just before boarding she’s forbidden passage because she’s in the late stage of pregnancy. She’s despondent about this, unaware that being kept off the boat probably saved her life and that of her baby – for the boat was the Titanic! British author Carrie King, who wrote the essay, is the woman’s granddaughter.

I’m proud to say the anthology includes my story, “The Maroon Sweater.” However, my pride is darkened by the realization that this story, supposedly representative of American culture, is about a shameful and too-familiar scene in our nation: a school shooting.

I’m writing these words on the anniversary of Sandy Hook, where 20 heartbreakingly young children and six courageous staffers were murdered in their school by an emotionally disturbed man who had no difficulty getting hold of guns. It’s American irony that this anniversary has been marked by another school shooting. (There have been nearly 13,000 deaths and injuries from guns since the Sandy Hook horror.)

My fictitious story about a school massacre tells of a teenage girl who survived. But, as she says, “What does survivor mean?” The story’s meant to show the lasting trauma even for those who “escaped” — for there’s really no escaping the devastating memories.

Is it too much to hope that my story might inspire a few more people to work for gun control? That would be a reward beyond any byline.

(The anthology can be ordered from Amazon.com or CreateSpace.com.)

Website: www. annehosansky.com

Books: “Widow’s Walk” – available through iUniverse.com; “Turning Toward Tomorrow” -xLibris.com; “Ten Women of Valor” -CreateSpace.com and Amazon.com. Also Amazon Kindle.

As I write this, Thanksgiving is around the calendar corner. I’m giving personal thanks for not having to cook the feast this year. My niece has volunteered. (The last two years she was my guest and voiced candid thanks that she didn’t have to be the cook!)

I don’t know how the turkey became the edible symbol of the day. Legend has it that the Pilgrims dined on Rock Cornish hens. In a spirit of racial harmony that we might emulate, they shared the feast with people they mistakenly called “Indians.” (Interesting that the Pilgrims were the immigrants!)

This year Thanksgiving coincides with Chanukah, the Jewish “Festival of Lights.” It’s become competitive with Christmas for many Jewish children. But the real meaning of this holiday  is that more than 2000 years ago a small band of inspired men (Maccabees) was able to defeat a far larger more formidable enemy and overcome persecution ¬– proving that faith is a strong weapon.  So strong, that when they wanted to rededicate the Temple, but there was only enough oil to light the  sacred lamp for one night, the oil miraculously burned for eight days.

I discovered recently that another religion also has a “Festival of Lights.” It’s called Diwali (or Deepavali) and is a national Hindu holiday celebrated between the middle of October and mid-November, in India and a number of other places including Nepal, Malasia, and Singapore, among others. The holiday lasts for five days and each day the people perform a different traditional activity. On the fifth day, it’s customary for sisters to invite their brothers to their homes. This is intriguing to think about when our holidays often stir up family discord and sibling rivalry .

”Light” can have a variety of meanings, , so I’d like to share the most poignant use of this word that I’ve ever heard. My elderly widowed brother-in-law introduced us to the woman he now loves as, “the light of my late years.”

This Thanksgiving and Chanukah I will  give thanks for everything and every person who brings light into my life – and whose life I hope I give light to.

Meaningful holidays to all.

Website: www.annehosansky.com
BOOKS: “Widow’s Walk”- available through iUniverse.com; “Turning Toward Tomorrow”- xLibris.com; “Ten Women of Valor” – CreateSpace.com & Amazon.com. Also AmazonKindle.

“I write a book or short story three times. Once to understand her, the second time to improve her prose, and a third to compel her to say what it still must say.” –  Malamud.

I recently came across this quote  and was impressed by Malamud’s dedication to the process of revision. (I was also charmed by his use of ”her” for his book , though why did he surrender to ”it”?) When we read a first-rate book or see a wonderful painting, it may look effortless, as if it simply fell into place. That’s because the creative “blood stains”don’t show. Having just read Malamud’s “The Assistant” I wish there were a way to read his earlier versions of this beautiful book to see how it changed.

I was half way through writing my latest book,” Ten Women of Valor,” when I realized I had the wrong approach. I’d been describing these Biblical heroines, but not getting deeply enough into their feelings of passion, anger, envy, and so on. This realization was one of the occasions when my Muse decided to lend a helping hand, for one sleepless night I heard her ask, “Why don’t you let these women speak for themselves?” That translated into letting each woman tell her story in her own voice. Technically, this meant using first person instead of third. My elation at finding the key into the book was diluted when I realized I’d have to delete everything I’d written up to that point. It reminds me of something Canadian writer Margaret Atwood said. Describing the moment when she knew the 100 pages she had written for her new novel weren’t right and she’d have to start over, she called it “Tylenol time.”

There’s a belief – myth would be the more apt word – that Mozart was such a genius his marvelous compositions came readymade. I will never forget the time a friend and I went to an exhibition of Mozart ‘s works at the Morgan Library in New York. Standing before the glass case, my friend cried out in surprise – and delight -–“He did revise!” What we were looking at were Mozart’s numerous hand-written notations on the pages.

If Mozart and Malamud, to alliteratively mention only two artists, had the humility to revise their work, what keeps many of us from making enough changes? Why do we often feel it “isn’t worth the trouble”? Or is it too hard to get an objective view?  (This is true in life as well as art, but that’s another story – or blog.)

I knew a man who aspired to be a writer and sent his manuscript to an agent. Weeks later I got a phone call from this man, complaining that the agent had suggested a number of changes. When I tried to point out that revising is the name of the writing game, he declared, ”I don’t rewrite!” He also didn’t get published.

In my writers’ group we welcome revisions, even if it’s the tenth – or hundredth – one. It’s thrilling to see how a story grows from first draft to last. But what is “last”? When does revising become such an addiction you can’t let go of your book or story? I confess to being guilty of this. So whenever I attend an author’s talk, I always ask the same question: “How do you know when it’s finished?” One famous writer admitted, “When I can’t stand looking at it anymore.” Of course, that could also be an excuse for stopping. Actually the best answer was from an author who said, “You have to ask yourself, am I making this better – or just different?”

I envy Malamud for knowing he needed exactly three revisions!

Website: www.annehosansky.com

Books: “Widow’s Walk” – available through iUniverse.com; “Turning Toward Tomorrow” -xLibris Corp., “Ten Women of Valor”- CreateSpace.com and Amazon.com. Also Amazon Kindle.

Do clothes really “make the man” or woman? They certainly affect your status in corporate offices, as I discovered when I worked for Weight Watchers for many years. (Size was the major criterion but that’s another story.)

However, what if you work at home, like many of us these telecommuting days, and there’s no one to be impressed with your sartorial expertise other than the mailperson and the dog?

As a freelancer who works in what used to be my daughter’s bedroom, I normally – or abnormally, depending on your view – head for that space right after breakfast, still in my bathrobe. Why bother getting dressed when I’m in my own home?

So I was intrigued when I read a recent blog by “The Renegade Writer,” Linda Formichelli. She claims that getting nicely dressed, hair brushed, makeup, etc., puts you in a more efficient mood for work. (The only “make up” I take time for is making up plots.) Formichelli even advocates the benefits of showering first. I tried her advice one morning last week, but got too antsy about the precious minutes I was losing from my deadline. Sad to say, my writing wasn’t any livelier

Though styles don’t affect my style when it comes to writing, I have to admit that interviewing people by phone while not fully dressed makes me insecure. You don’t have to be a writer to feel that way. Many executives who work from home – both men and women – confess that their sense of power is affected by how they’re attired. I’ve given radio interviews and felt disoriented, as if the authoritative voice I try to summon up can’t come from a woman still in her PJ’s! ( I’ve yet to be interviewed via Skype, but that would certainly make me rush for my wardrobe and makeup.)

Formichelli might have a well-earned point. . After all, she’s sold a multitude of articles, presumably written while dressed. So I’m going to experiment with getting dressed before I start my work day, even though it’s a homebound one. At least this might make me more confident when I phone editors, agents, et al. ” Hello there, do I sound like an author who’s well-dressed?”

Frankly, these financially- troubled and socially- sparse days, who else do I have to dress for if not myself?

Website: annehosansky.com

BOOKS:”Widow’s Walk” available through iUniverse.com; “Turning Toward Tomorrow” available through xLibris .com ; “Ten Women of Valor” – available through CreateSpace.com and Amazon.com. Also Amazon Kindle.

“Literary” versus “Popular.” Fiction, that is. I never thought this would make the front page of “The New York Times” as it recently did. The article poses an intriguing claim: that reading “literary fiction” – as opposed to what’s termed  “popular”- results in higher emotional intelligence and better social skills. These skills include the invaluable ability to read someone’s mind and body language.

These findings weren’t just tossed up at random. They were well documented by researchers in the reputable New School for Social Research’s  Psychology Department.

Both as a writer and as a reader,  I’m curious to know how these books achieve such enviable results. According to the article, literary fiction is more subtle, leaving enough unsaid for the reader’s imagination to fill in the blanks. This stimulates his or her imagination.  Even “a little Chekhov,” the researchers contend, stimulates a reader’s ”creative thinking,” which then enhances empathy. A hard-cover bargain!

On the other hand,  reading “popular fiction” is a more passive experience, because these authors detail their characters’ every thought and emotion. So the reader’s mind doesn’t have to work overtime.

It makes many of us wonder where our own writing fits in. Decades ago, when I was a college student majoring in Creative Writing (as opposed to Uncreative Writing?), a savvy teacher scrawled on one of my stories; TRUST YOUR READER! That three-word wisdom is the best cautionary advice  I’ve ever been given. Yet I still have to guard against a tendency to  pour a superfluity of details into my stories, as if readers won’t get the point unless I spell it out in capital letters. Would that make my books “popular”? (Would that it did!)

Frankly, we all hope that our books will meet literary standards, but are also popular enough to reap hefty royalties. Of course, many books do achieve this dual result. “Lolita,” for example.

Blurring the borders even further, we have to deal with  literary agents wanting manuscripts that are “mainstream” – whatever that means.

I  also question whether there might be  a “chicken or egg” side to all this.  Isn’t  it conceivable that people who are more empathic to begin with are drawn to higher-brow books, rather than just the  other way around?

Though I try to catch up with the great literature I’ve missed out on, I confess I also curl up with current “potboilers” for sheer enjoyment.  So where does that place me as a  reader?  Mid-stream ( “mainstream”)?

Yet if reading Chekhov, Dostoevsky, Nabokov, Austen, et all enables me to read my partner’s mind, I’m diving solely into  classics !

WEBSITE: www.annehosansky.com

BOOKS:

“Widow’s Walk” available through iUniverse.com; “Turning Toward Tomorrow” -available through x:Libris.com; “Ten Women of Valor” – available through CreateSpace.com and Amazon.com. Also Amazon Kindle.

I’ve been reading Stephen King’s “On Writing,” which he labels “a memoir of the craft.” I’d never read anything by him before (should I admit this?), but bought the book because I’m always open to new tips about writing.

To those who ask my opinion of “On Writing,” I will say the style is breezy, frank (especially about his addictions) and easy to read. There are suggestions about theme, characters. plot, pace, etc, based on his own very successful experience. But I think their value is mainly for beginning writers, such as his reminder of the basic “show, don’t tell” adage. For professional writers, I would hope the various tips are – should be! – second nature.

Although I agree with most of what King says, I take issue with his admitted irritation about detailed descriptions of what characters are wearing. (“If I want to read a description of clothes, I can always get a J. Crew catalogue.”). A few years ago I reread “Madame Bovary” because of the new translation by Lydia Davis. Flaubert obviously never read King’s advice, for he goes into countless lengthy descriptions of his characters’ attire. Instead of merely stating how Emma loved fashions, he shows us the sumptuous clothes she lusts for. But being Flaubert, his detailed descriptions of the very materials – the lavish velvets and brocades, the gleaming jewels  – create the characters as much as the dialogue does. How well we understand Emma – and her husband and lovers – – from what they’re wearing. (It’s interesting that Flaubert’s father was a tailor!)

The point is that any ådvice about how to write well should be carefully sifted by the reader, for what works well for one may not for another. “Know thyself” is a useful motto for authors.

I also believe that Flaubert should be required reading for anyone who wants to write. His photographic portrayals of not just attire, but rooms, furniture, countryside, etc., create undeniable reality. This, plus his empathic ability to take you inside each character,  are more instructive than any “how to” tome.

Having disagreed with King, I should in fairness admit there are many tips in his book that I underlined. After all, he isn’t the “king” of best-sellers for nothing. My own authorial fault is that I become too attached to some of my over-written phrases and am reluctant to surrender them. So I appreciate King’s introducing me to Sir Arthur Quiller-Couch (the eminent British critic) and his famous dictum, “Murder your darlings.” As King then points out, ”The delete key is there for a reason.”

Website: annehosansky.com

Books: “Widow’s Walk” – available through iUniverse.com; “Turning Toward Tomorrow” – xLibris.com; “Ten Women of Valor” – Amazon.com  and Create Space.com (also Amazon Kindle)