What seemingly benign holiday brings a confusion of emotions, ranging friom joyous to sorrow? Even the title is confusing, for the apostrophe after Mother’s signifies one mother, rather than all. Yet that modest mark punctuates a truth: not all women welcome this annual holiday. True, there are fortunate mothers awardeD with candy, corsage and/or dining in an elegant restaurant.The popular image is a beaming mothe surrounded by adoring children. (Those, children may have their own conflicts about compulsory homage, but that’s another story.)
There are other women who wish they could tear that Sunday off the calendar. Women unable to conceive or who lost a child. Women grieving the death of their own mother. Women whose unborn infant never made it to birth and women whose adult children have grown distant emotionally as well as geographically. For tall these women the day is something to get through, not to enjoy.
Ironically one of the loudest voices protesting the holiday was that of the woman whi created it! In1908, Anna Reeves Jarvis, who ws mourning the death of her mother, suggested a day be set aside for everyone to pay private tribute to their mother. Her belief that it could be “private” was naïve, for the idea spread across the country. Despite Jarvis herself campaigning against it,I n1914 President Wilson designated Mother’s Day a national holiday. To the delight of merchants it quickly became the “Halmark Holiday” we know today.
Those of us who are fortunate can add meaning to our celebration by reaching out to someone who is suffering. Even a brief call to say, “I’m thinking of you,” can help bridge the loneliness. We should also be sensitive about what we say to people whose story we don’t know. A neighbor told me of buying a box of cookies to contribute to a charitable cause, only to hear the woman selling them say, “Your little ones will love the cookies.” She was unaware how painful those words were, for my neighbor had flunked her final fertility test. As she tearfully threw the cookies into the incinerator she asked: “Why can people stop to think that not everyone is as lucky as they are?
Those of us on the deprived side of the holiday don’t have to settle for s solo Pity Party. We can plan ahead to attend some event – a movie ,play,exhibit – either alone or with a friend who’s in a similar rocky boat. For years my sister had an annual date with a childless friend. “It’s our un-mothers” luncheon they announced. I make sure I give myself a special treat that day, such as sabotaging my diet with Lady Godiva chocolates. They are just as delicious no matter who buys them! Even better, I treat myself to a new book, one I can lose myself and the date in.
We can also broaden our emotional calendar. Monday is just a day away!
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