The first Valentine’s Day without my husband I told my counselor, “I feel as if I’lll never have anyone’s arms around me again.”
His response? “Put your arms around yourself.”
Cold comfort, I thought, and what does that mean anyway? Doesn’t he understand how alone I feel?

It took a while to see the wisdom beneath his words,. Along the way I discovered three things. The first was that a “two by two” world doesn’t have to depend on a spouse or partner. What about friends, like one who told me,”You need a hug” – and then hugged me with affection and understanding.

Yet sharing doesn’t always come automatically. The second thing I discovered was that if I wanted to be with a friend – rather than have a solo pity party – I better learn to reach out. It’s easy to assume that if no one’s invited you for a holiday or a Saturday night, it means they don’t want to be with you. The reality is that people are busy with their own lives, and it’s not a reflection of us. So with trepidation I began to use my fingers to dial the phone and ask, “Would you like to get together this weekend?” Or even “For Valentine; s Day?” It helps to come up with a specific idea. “Like to try out that new pizza place?” Or, “ I hear that new movie is good.” She might refuse, in which case you’re no worse  off than before you called. You might hear, “That’s a great idea.” Or, if she’s busy, “How about the following weekend?” That doesn’t fill the holiday, but it gives you something to look forward to. Either way you know you have the courage to reach out and can again.

Note: I’m not recommending asking your adult child to be available.  We might scare the kid off if we seem to be leaning!

The  major thing I learned is the “hug” I give myself. This year instead of gazing plaintively through a store window at heart-shaped boxes  of  candy, I’m shamelessly devouring the Godiva chocolates I bought for myself. Other years I’ve  bought recordings of favorite musicals or listened to my old records of comedians.  You can’t feel too sad when hearing Nichols and May, remember them?

Often I enact what I once thought was strange advice. Literally putting my arms around myself I assure the woman within, “You’re not alone.”

Website: www.annehosansky.com   :

BOOKS:: “Widow’s Walk” – available through iUniverse.com; “Turning Toward Tomorrow”-–xibris.com; “Come and Go” – BookBaby.com; “Ten Women of Valor” and “Role Play” – Amazon and Amazon Kindle.

she can’t – with or without an excuse – but she might not. You might hear, “That’s a great idea.” Or, if she’s busy, “How about the following weekend?” True, that doesn’t fill the holiday, but it gives you something to look forward to.
If you end up with just rejection, you’re no worse off than before you called. You also know you had the courage to reach out and can again.
Note: I’m not recommending asking your adult child to be available. We might scare the kid off if we seem to be leaning!
The major thing I learned is the “hug” I give myself. This year instead of gazing plaintively through a store window at heart-shaped boxes of candy, I’m shamelessly devouring the Godiva chocolates I bought for myself. Other years I’ve bought recordings of favorite musicals or listened to DVD’s of comedians. You can’t feel too sad when hearing Nickols and May, remember them?
Often I enact what I once thought was strange advice. Literally putting my arms around myself I assure the woman within, “You’re not alone.”
Website: www.annehosansky.com :
BOOKS:: “Widow’s Walk” – available through iUniverse.com; “Turning Toward Tomorrow”-–xLibris.com; “Come and Go” – BookBaby.com; “Ten Women of Valor” and “Role Play” – Amazon and Amazon Kindle.