“EXPOSING” THE DEAD?

Recently The New York Times published an op ed piece by Ken Budd titled “When Writers Expose the Dead.” The topic hit a painful nerve in me, for my memoir ”Widow’s Walk” describes the struggle my husband and I shared during his fatal illness. Was I wrong to “use” him that way?

This is a personal decision for each of us, of course. Here are are my feelings — as written in my Letter To The Editor which The Times printed. I post it here for any of you who may be struggling with the same “expose” issue.

CANDOR ABOUT THE DEAD

Four months after my husband died I began writing a memoir about his illness, death and – although I didn’t realize yet — the new life as a single woman that I was ultimately able to create.

I wrote the memoir with as much honesty as I could bear to set down. Although my husband, Mel, was a wonderful person he had weaknesses, as we all do. To ignore these would have been to paint a picture of a saint. He would never have wanted that.

Ironically, I ended up being harder on myself, revealing my fear and anger about the fact that I was losing him, which led to my saying things I would give anything to be able to erase. To my surprise, I found that was what readers responded to the most, for in countless letters they told me they felt validated by learning that their “shameful ”behavior was shared.

What needs to be saved for a later memoir is the guilt that can pervade you when you’ve had a success built on the death of someone you loved. The only comfort is my belief that the memoir has given him — and our love– longer life.

COMMENTS WELCOME

WEBSITE: www.annehosansky.com
BOOKS: “Widow’s Walk”-available through iUniverse.com; “Turning Toward Tomorrow” –xLibris.com; “Ten Women of Valor” – CreateSpace.com and Amazon.com. Also Amazon Kindle

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