Decades ago I decided to write my first book, a memoir about my late husband and our futile battle to save him. To write something so personal I needed not only privacy, but to disconnect from distractions. By luck I came across a 1930’s book that told me how to create this space. It was “Becoming A Writer” by Dorothea Brande.
Brande believed that creativity demanded time reserved for it, and that it was necessary to get to the typewriter(!) as early as you can, before the everyday clutters your mind. This currently means no radio, TV, phone calls, visits, or Internet browsing – and to stay with this regimen for as many uninterrupted hours as possible ( Those employed in hybrid schedules may need similar discipline.) Inspired, I announced to friends and family that from then on I would be off-limits each day until 3:00.
Naively I thought this was a simple request and it did draw puzzled agreement from almost everyone. The sole exception was a friend who said I should go to a “shrink” to find out why I couldn’t answer phone calls while I was writing. Ironically, she was a therapist herself! I valued our friendship, but I was finding that my hours of privacy with my embryonic book were the most fruitful I had ever known.
The problem is, how convince someone else to accept this? My request became a bone of contention between us, with me either hanging up on her or trying to ignore distracting ringing. These days we can let cellphones take messages, but park the phone in a distant room. Taking the phone off the hook made me anxious about being unreachable by my school-age children. Ultimately I found courage to tell my friend ,“You don’t have to understand what I need, you just have to respect it.” This only worked for a brief time and the friendship has long since died. But I still believe my answer is the best response.
Of course, the need for protected time isn’t limited to creative endeavors. It can be for hours to fortify ourselves by reading or listening to music or simply communing with our thoughts. But this requires not being afraid of anyone’s opinion of our “selfish” behavior. A new neighbor who had a day job in an office asked me if I’d be available for some deliveries, since I “didn’t work.” I hesitated, reluctant to offend a potential friend , before saying I was sorry, but I couldn’t help her since even though I was home I was working.
The reality is that the world often doesn’t recognize being at home as important time. Women, especially, are expected to be available for gossiping, baby sitting, whatever, whenever. It’s easier for the ‘hybrids,” who can cite a company they’re employed by as contrasted with ‘just for me” time.
I have kept close to my writing schedule for 30 years. I tell people, I know I’m being rigid but….And I always make time for my children, family occasions, and for any friend in emotional need. Still, prioritizing my work has cost me other things, like hours of socializing that I would have enjoyed. But it has also enabled me to give birth to six books and dozens of stories. More important, it has helped me know who I am and can be.
We all need to respect everyone’s time but be just as vigilant about protecting our own!

COMING SOON: YOUR MONTHLY NEWSLETTER!